299 Spartans on the Wall, 299 Spartans…

I wasn’t done mocking! Other things that are annoying about 300:

  • None of the Greeks look Greek. Maybe one of the Persians, toward the end, looks kinda Persian.
  • Very uninspired imitation of the Legolas-Gimli rivalry.
  • Leonidas’ wife is there for a single plot line, which every viewer can immediately predict in its entirety between two handfuls of popcorn.
  • The dialogue is simply awful, and alternates between pretentious faux-Shakespearian and run-of-the-mill TV show pseudo-zingers.
  • Nobody can hold on to their accent throughout, but that maybe because they have to switch between these dialogue styles.
  • Spartans armed not with Spartan lances, but apparently with Roman pilums.
  • Note to self when planning a cavalry charge: charge through, not along the enemy line.
  • Leonidas takes the time to explain an apparently complex plan, then never sticks to it. If you’re going to hold a narrow passage with a handful of men against hordes of enemies, it might help to stay in the damn canyon rather than constantly charging the hordes in the open with your small band of pals.
  • Even if you’re a traitor paid by the Persians, you might not want to carry 50 lbs of Persian gold on you at all times.
  • Take-home moral message: (1) Not all men are created equal; (2) Handicapped people are weak or evil or both; (3) Manly good, but gay bad; (4) Hard-hitting uncompromising warmongering elitists are the only ones who can take or problems, not those effeminate pluralist hoi polloi democrats; (5) Persians have weapons of mass destruction and they’re coming right for us!

Go watch Hercubush, you’ll get all the politics and better narration.

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